January 26, 2011

Sometimes, all you can do is get some Chipotle and get ready for tomorrow.

And pray. I have been doing a lot more of that lately.

(And, finally, force myself to wii fit since I skipped the gym and I am still running a half marathon in 2 months. Yikes!)

January 25, 2011

Today went well.
I do still so love Obama. (And I am ashamed to admit that I think John Boehner is actually quite good looking, even when he is making nasty faces/falling asleep/clapping at the wrong time/not even trying to look pleasant or invested/maybe even constipated/frowny Mc-Frownerson behind the true man of my heart... Mr. President.

I am glad to hear Obama standing up for himself after doing so much Republican butt-kissing lately... my biggest issue with Washington lately has been the Dems, not the Republicans. This was a much more powerful showing, and gives me a slight bump of hope for 2012. And I am more glad that he is putting an emphasis on education (please follow through and please shut Rand Paul down)... especially after this conversation I had with a student today (don't worry, we had a grammar mini-lesson after!)

Me, to 6th grader walking down the hall with no pass: Where are you going?
Student: Oh, I was...um...just...um....talking to her.
Me: Okay, with whom were you speaking?
Student: What?
Me: With whom were you speaking?
Stu: Uhhhh.... what?
Me: With. Whom. were. you. speaking?
Student: I, uh....I mean, I was just.... what?
Me: I asked, with - whom - were - you - speaking?
Student: Okay... I. don't. know. what. you're. saying!
My 7th grader, cutting in: Dude, who were you talking to?
Student: Ohhhhhhh... uh... Ms. C.
Me: Go back and get a pass.
Student: wha-------   Me: JUST GO!

January 24, 2011

Crappy, ugly day to drive back to Chicago.
Poorly done, Universe. I could really have used a little sunshine today.

And oh yeah, this ACTUALLY counted as a "snow day" - no public school - in Lexington.
Come on, Chicago!

January 23, 2011

Great Cajun food with a true Southern boy.
Here's to you, Georgia.
More from this day later... pictures of the old Palmer house, Beattyville, etc.

January 22, 2011

Contentment, home.
What I went to thinking of as a weekend to say "good-bye" became a lovely weekend of seeing people I love, laughing a LOT, smiling more than I had expected. From the pain of family lost to the pain of driving away and knowing that I purposely have not planned a trip back for a while, it hurt like hell. Don't get me wrong. But there is always, ALWAYS, as Leonard Cohen taught us, a crack in everything. "There is a crack - a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."

This is Brenton, my... person. And this is his darling little half brother Kendal, who is a doll although dangerously nearing those terrible Twos. Brenton is so. good. with Kendal. It's amazing to watch, especially considering he was raised an only child. Even knowing how good he is with kids in general from having been his boss at the Y (hahahaha I was, indeed, his boss, and then he mine) and seeing him with swim lessons, etc, I was and still am amazed to watch how he is with this little boy. I find myself learning from their interactions, especially how well Brenton guides and teaches and then - here is my "baby Achilles's Heel" - lets him fall, learn, try and grow all on his own. Where I am jumpy and nervous and trying to hold him up on the side of the pool, Brenton lets him try pulling himself out on his own (with my heart pounding in the background, covering my eyes) and the first time, he gets water on his face and sputters a little (nervous sob from me) and then, lo and behold, he pulls himself out. I think it is something all parents and maternally-driven-women-(and-men), and well, most people in general, really struggle with... how do we let go? When is the moment to do so? Why is it so damn necessary to let go when it doesn't feel good and it's scary and you can't be 100% sure the results will be ideal? What I have learned from watching Brenton and Kendal, what I have learned from this past year, is that while it is not always favorable, it almost always necessary, at some point, to let go. Every once in a while, you sink, or get splashed, or struggle even more. However once you can let go, and truly, truly release that desperation to cling and control, the rush is exhilarating. And whether or not you end up where you thought you would, you always end up getting to that moment where you pull yourself onto the edge of the pool... or, if all else fails, you learn to swim.

January 21, 2011

Driving home to Kentucky today, I felt the strains of a familiar guitar song strum a little through my heart. I may not know what will happen or where or even who I will be in this next crazy year, but Kentucky is and will always be HOME... you can take the girl out of Kentucky, but you can't take the Kentucky out of the girl.

Speaking of Kentucky, there is definitely a reason I am still in Chicago... part of it is because God put me here, that I know for sure more than ever. I needed to be here and go through the events of these past 6 months, to grow more in myself and grow closer to Him. (Or her). And then, of course, there's them... these amazing children who were only 11 years old and so small when I started working in Chicago - what a difference from 6th to 8th grade! They looked so grown up this picture day, and it made me so proud and glad to still be with them.

January 20, 2011

This was me, looking back through old text messages and realizing I am a lucky, lucky, lucky girl with the best, best, best friend in the world.
Shawn is so much to so many people, but he is my rock, my solace, my best friend, my soul mate, and the reason I can keep walking when I am overwhelmed by fear of what the future might (or might not) hold... I keep moving because Shawn is always simultaneously beside me, encouraging me and knowing me better than I know myself and also, always just ahead saying "get up here... this is AWESOME".
Plus, he lets me vent my judginess and doesn't judge my bitchiness. If an outfit's bad, we noticed at the same moment and we don't even need to discuss it - until later, of course.
Love you, Shawny. You make my life shine so much brighter, and I am only one of a hundred who call you 'best friend' (even though we both know that really, it's just us!)

January 19, 2011

Report. Card. Conferences. = Smack. Down. = AWESOME
'Nough Said

January 18, 2011

Nothing beats a 4-day school week. Taking that one little day off the calendar, giving it back to us teachers human beings, makes such an incredible difference in esteem and well-being. On this Tuesday back to school for a short week, I celebrated by scrubbing the bathroom. Sounds silly to some, but just like the freaking alphabetized DVDs, it was re-awakening.

January 17, 2011

Mock and judge me if you must, but I LOVE (love love love love) alphabetical order. My life in general has been out of sorts for a few months now, but man oh man, I had underestimated the power of creating order in my nest. I re-alphabetized my DVDs for fun on Sunday, and realized this glorious morning just how wonderful this small bit of control in a quickly spiraling world can feel.

January 16, 2011

This is a little recipe I picked up in REAL SIMPLE magazine, for seared pork chops. I love cooking in general, but hate cooking for myself. Luckily I have a wonderful roommate usually willing to endure my best (and worst) 'projects'... luckily I am pretty good, probably just some country-cookin'/Irish-granma genetics at work.
Anyway, these were truly DELISH.

January 15, 2011

Melissa's son, Ashland, had his third birthday party today. What a party! Family, gifts, friends and a train right in the restaurant... what more could a three-year-old boy ask for? It is always so much fun to see my friends and their families outside of school for a sense of normalcy.

Afterward, Alison and I shopped a little and then I was uber-productive, eyebrow wax, hair color, grocery store and new earrings! I hit home, tonight, with every intention of continuing this momentum, but here I've been ever since. Now, there is an apartment to clean hard and a drink to drink...hard.

Happy Saturday!

January 14, 2011

Fridays are always insane and stressful but you can't beat that feeling that at the end of the day, it is still Friday. This was a good one...a boy's basketball game after school (and a visit from one of my favorite former students, in the yellow, who transferred in October) and then manis/pedis with Quinn and Jenny. We also went to another delicious little Mexican restaurant (I might only like Mexican food, can you tell?) called El Nuevo Mexicana (2914 N Clark) where the nachos were TO DIE FOR, the tacos decent, and the margaritas the best I've ever had. A lovely night, which I needed very badly.

This is also the day that I found out on the way to school that my Great-Uncle Bob had died. It's always amazing to me how little we can predict the depth or reaction we have to grief... I have not seen Uncle Bob in a long time and yet when I got to school and one student asked how I was, I lost it. I dreamed Friday night of Anna Maria Island - my favorite place, to which I have not been since my Nani's funeral in August of '09. Anna Maria is my favorite place in the world and since I was a child she has belonged to me - and I to her - in an unexplainable, uncanny way. Always, in times of great spiritual unrest this is the setting of my dreams. I need a return trip and quickly, as spiritual unrest has been the way of the past 6 months for me and the immediate future looks no different... I need to start healing my heart if I ever hope to be able to re-grow into the girl I was.

Spring break, anyone?

January 12, 2011 and January 13, 2011

This picture is from Thursday, the 13th. This is my friend Megan, the most incredible, kind, patient, forward thinking, brilliant special education teacher (or any teacher) I could ever hope to meet. She inspires me often but on this day I watched her go from her usual gentle demeanor (I call her my Care Bear, which she tolerates even without knowing the extent to which I truly adored and revered the Care Bears growing up) - to a beast with teeth and gumption of admirable proportion. The student she is with is her boy with Autism and and adores him - it is impossible not to - and another student made fun of him to his face, which he could not understand. Megan pulled the student and gave him an earful I though only me Mernie would be capable of, and then made him acknowledge what had happened to the student, apologize, and then promise to his face that it would NEVER happen again. It is a lesson that the student in trouble will never forget, and one that will not soon leave me either. Megan is tough and resilient, but I had never seen a fire like this one in her eyes and I walked away from this in awe of her and with a renewed feeling that there are still people who will fight, tooth and claw and nail, for the good ones, for justice, for innocence and for, as corny as it sound, peace. I was extremely proud and humbled to have been an observer of this profound moment of learning for one young man and for a moment of justice for the student who was mocked, whatever else, he too will always remember that sometimes the going gets tough, but someone, someone, will fight for you. What a wonderful thing for a boy to have. What a lovely thing for anyone to have.
Wednesday, 1-12-11

This is the last thing I see on my way out the door every day.

Such a lovely way to start!

January 11, 2011

1-1-11

I read somewhere on this day that it was not actually a special date, it was just a day with a stutter... not PC but I laughed long and hard (a good and occasionally rare feeling these days).

In sad news, my necklace broke.

I adore this necklace and know that its only the chain and is a) kind of fixable and b) totally replaceable, but it gave me a terrible feeling all day.

That is the chain that is replaceable, by the way, not the necklace. The necklace itself is extremely precious to me an irreplaceable, and I am lucky it did not break and fall off without my notice. Small blessings.

January 10, 2011

Typical Monday, so boring and regular that I failed to take nay interesting picture. I chose this book because it is SO SCARY... so scary that when Shawn called at midnight I had just fallen asleep, and while talking to him in the dark I brought my finger close to my face without noticing and then suddenly saw it out of the corner of my eye and FREAKED OUT...I was certain there was someone or something in my room.... when I calmed down and explained to Shawn that no worries, it was just my own hand that was the mystery intruder, he laughed for about 10 minutes and made fun of me shamefully. It took about 20 minutes for my heartbeat to return to normal. Who needs ghosts and monsters when we have hands to scare us this badly?

January 9, 2011

An uneventful Sunday mostly dominated by being at school, working, this was the highlight of my night - Darryl and I have developed a tradition of a monthly trip to somewhere in the 'burbs to eat at one of the various chain restaurants we miss and love. This time, in honor of my birthday, we went to Red Lobster (my favorite) and a little girl watched as I took a picture of this lobster. She was telling her mom and sister and me and anyone who would listen how the workers were going to put him back in the sea... what a nice little delusion. I remember realizing that the very same "cute" lobsters were the ones doomed for the table and Sebastian from The Little Mermaid haunting my nightmares... I hope she believes a little longer. Nevertheless, the dinner was delicious and mine was free because Darryl said "I don't do Christmas or birthday presents, but I guess I can get you some food." SO sweet...HA! Still a great night overall.

P.S. The staff sang for my birthday, but didn't bring me free anything, even a dessert or water or napkin...nothing. Boo on you, RL. Step up.

January 8, 2011

Megan and her new roommates had a party this night, and Darryl and I stopped by or former residence for some companionship and...beer pong. It is always so interesting to see someplace you used to live belonging to someone else. No matter how long you are gone, the feeling that it is still somehow yours never really leaves you. The new roommate decorated her bathroom cuter than I did, and I thought about it all night.

January 7, 2011

After a disastrous 25th birthday, my students recovered from their temporary insanity after my birthday party and became normal 7th graders again, and giving me a lovely belated gift...a sane Friday. Afterward, some dear friends, Megan, Quinn and Rachel, took me out to celebrate at the BEST restaurant in Chicago - El Tapatio on Ashland. Seriously, if you are ever in this city and you want to try delicious margaritas and the best fajitas maybe on Earth, stop by and check it out. It was a good night and helped enormously with my quarter-century blues.

January 6, 2011

Turning 25...not a great day, but an important one in my life nonetheless.

Great thing: the top picture is the surprise birthday party my kids planned for me - and planned quite well!
Not-so-great-thing: they were AWFUL on this day, just terrible, because they were so keyed up from the excitement.


Happy birthday to me.

January 5, 2011

Two kids who I promised, two and a half years ago, that I would stay to see graduate. Tyson and Cheyenne are the kind of kids you can point to and say "THAT - that is why I am a teacher". They make me happy every day and are wise beyond their years, eager to learn, with good hearts and open minds. I adore them, and on this birthday eve, they stayed and helped me re-construct a 270 word word-wall after school. Remarkable.

January 4, 2011

Finally got this picture out and put it back up, there to make me smile evry morning getting ready for work. Please ignore the surrounding mess...it is clean now!

January 3, 2011

Back. to. school.

My darling and soulmate Quinn, after a laborious Monday back at the grind. Coming back is always a mix of nerves, excitement and anticipation and this day proved no different... instead of a sleepy, used-to-sleeping-in bunch of teens, we got a full-of-pep-and-energy bunch who seemed to think no time or vacation had transpired. Needless to say, by the time 4:15 hit, we were a bunch of sleepy, used-to-sleeping-in bunch of adults ready for a recovery nap.

January 2, 2011

Coming back to Chicago from Lexington is always so hard. I like Chicago and miss the people here when I am away, but the total 2 week dive into all the comforts of HOME, from people to food to parking lots for shopping to people willing to hold the door for you... every time I say I won't cry, and every time I do. I don't know when my journey will return me to Lexington or Kentucky again, but I do know that our paths - mine and Kentucky's as my home - are forever intertwined. Upon driving home on Sunday, I had a ton of work to do for school in the morning, but I still picked up my guitar, which I am learning (slowly) and played for just a moment... played for me, and for what I had just left behind and for the comfort of knowing that the odds were pretty good that someone I love was playing too, only 600 miles away.

January 1, 2011

1/1/11 This was not a fancy-shmancy New Year's, just one with good ol' boys and good ol' Lexington, KY. I went with Brenton and some of his friends downtown to the wonderful Bluegrass Tavern, where the best bartender, Mark, makes award-winning L.I.Ts. We laughed, hung out, drank, and I got to kiss my favorite boy at midnight. A lovely start to what should be a wonderful year.

The Time

Well, I've decided to start blogging. Not because I am in need of something to do, but rather because I am in need of something to do other than work all the time and I am craving a creative catharsis. I don't think this blog will be life changing, I do think it may be an outlet... especially because I am a terrible journaler. Come along, or don't. That is my life mantra these days, and in spite of the terrible feeling when some don't, a surprising number hop on board every time.